First cut is the deepest
by LadyKryptonite294
Summary: AU. During Connor’s transference between his old life and his new one, can the appearance of his dead mother and a trip down memory lane change his opinion of his father and open him up to the love around him?
1. Chapter 1

**Before i start i would like to say a BIG thank you to my friend and beta reader TrueEngel, Dee you are fantastic and i appreciate all the help you provided me with this fic, luv ya to bits!**

**Also i want to let you all know that i have actually completed this fic and it is a total of 6 chapters long, so at the momenti will post a new chapter every two days, but i will leave it up to you to tell whether you like that idea of whether you want the next chapter sooner depending on what you think of the start :D**

* * *

**Title: **Fist cut is the deepest

**Rating:** T

**Genre:** Family/Hurt/Comfort

**Pairing:** Connor/Angel, Connor/Darla

**Author notes:** Hey…This was something that came to me from god knows where lol, I just thought of doing something that involved Connor and his mother and that also touched on Connor's life and the lack of love, in his eyes anyway…so be kind and please let me know what you think, comments are always welcomed…_just not too harsh_ :D

**Summary:** AU. During Connor's transference between his old life and his new one, can the appearance of his dead mother and a trip down memory lane change his opinion of his father and open him up to the love around him?

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the Angel characters or worlds, neither do i own any of teh quotes i have added from the show…unfortunately, they all belong to Joss Whedon…_a girl can dream can't she?_

* * *

The loneliness, the pain, the fear.

His emotions were a wreck, he no longer knew of his place in the world, but then again had he ever? He'd only ever had one good thing happen to him in his life and now she was gone, she had left her existence, she had left _him_.

He knelt down on the cold floor; his hand scarcely tracing the outline of her face, her beauty. He remembered back to the time when she was still with the living, her smile, a smile that could light up a room, a smile that always seemed to make him feel better, made him able to forget. She had promised to give him something real for the first time in his life, and she did, she allowed him to feel.

Now her body lay limp before him, her once perfectly formed self was masked and scarred by the bombs that now had become part of her, an imperfection that was his doing…he had no choice, he had to get her back, he had to end all of his misery.

The whimpering from a small child in the background caught his attention; it irritated him, why was she crying? She had the perfect life; she hadn't gone through what he has had to endure his entire life, pain, suffering…loneliness.

He reluctantly moved away from Cordelia and approached the whimpering child. His anger quickly subsided for a moment when he caught a glimpse of her, crying hysterically, afraid. He had been through so much over the years, now looking at this child it suddenly hit him that he didn't want anyone else to feel what he had to feel, his anger grew again, only this time it was focused on the man holding her, he yelled for him to hold her properly, to comfort her, and protect her. He had no time for his mindless objections; he needed him to help her.

Everyone else silenced at Connor's shouts and demands, he was the feared for once and not the fearful…but he still felt nothing.

He moved to head back towards his beloved Cordelia, but didn't quite make it before _he_ showed up. Connor announced that _his_ presence was aware, staying in his spot, he listened as he approached from behind.

Before Angel even had the chance to near any further, an explosion erupted at his side, the room of hostages scream in shock at the horrendous sound.

That got Angel's attention.

Connor knew that he would be here to try and talk him out of doing this, but he knew that he had no choice, this was what needed to be done, and it couldn't be stopped, not by _him_ not by anyone.

Angel had spoken to him of love, Jasmines love, knowing how he must feel now that that was gone, how empty everyone felt. Connor took no hesitation in letting his father in on his secret, he felt nothing, he felt none of Jasmine's love, he wasn't capable of feeling it, feeling anything for that matter, he was hollow and all he wanted was to be whole again.

Though he dared to voice that wish to his _father_.

Naturally Angel's next approach was to tell his son that he loves him, that he always had. Connor scoffed inwardly, the mention of love is revulsion, but not in the concept of it, but because of the lack of it in his life, even his dead mother couldn't bring herself to love him.

"_That's not true, she sacrificed herself for you Connor"_ Angel proclaimed, hoping to light any spark of humanity left in his delusional son.

"_You tried to love me; at least I think you did"_ Connor retorts, his words callous, monosyllabic, tired.

"_I still do"_ Angel said barely above a whisper.

"_Not enough to hang on Dad"_ Connor felt his emotions stir, a choke was stuck in the back of his throat, threatening to escape, but he couldn't appear weaker than he already had in front of him, he wouldn't give in. _"You let him take me…you let him get me!" _Although as he continued he began to lose his previous control, his eyes stung, but he refused the urge to wipe them, he decided that his father deserved to see him to so torn up, it was his fault he was this way, _he_ hadn't been able to save him.

Angel was rendered speechless, his sons words had hit hard. "I want to start over, we can make things right" Angel pleaded with his near hysterical son, wanting so desperately to pull him into his arms; it took all his strength not to stride across the room and do just that.

"_No, NO! We can't, everything's a lie and we can't be saved by lies…there's only one thing that can save us and that's death"_ Connor had lost all hope, he could see in his fathers eyes that he had too, his words dropped and his voice became restless, weaker in his defeat. This was it, it was now or never, he had to end it, he couldn't live like this any longer.

He looked towards Cordelia one last time, as though expecting her to come to life and take him by the hand, make it all better…but she didn't, she was gone.

Angel didn't give him the chance to move, in a flash he was from his spot and had ripped the fuse from the explosive around his son's waist, catching Connor off guard.

They engaged in combat, both physical and emotional, both fighting for the other, both determined to complete their aim, both just desperate to love.

Connor makes a move towards the still bomb covered Cordelia, until he collapsed in agony as Angel threw a knife into the back of his leg; he had underestimated the love he held, the love they shared for this woman. Another pain as the knife was removed and before he could think Angel had him lifted off the ground by the scruff of his shirt, the knife glistening tauntingly in the rays from outside.

"_I really do love you son" _Angel whispered against the close proximity of their faces.

Connor contemplated his father's actions for a second, he was shocked at his sudden choice of words, he looked into Angel's eyes and was scared at what he saw…_was it really love?_

"_So what are you going to do about it?"_ Connor asked, trying to keep his voice steady, it only breaking slightly at the end of his demand more than a question.

"_Prove it"_ Connor's brow furrowed in confusion for a split second, in his last moments of life. With those words, Angel took one last look into his son's savage eyes and brought the knife down in one swift motion, slicing his son's throat and watching as the last ounce of his life slipped through his fingers…all for love.

* * *

Light engulfed his entire being, blindingly bright, but soothing all the same.

He was aware of his surroundings, but not by sight, more by sense, he could sense the empty space around him, the brightness…_was this heaven?_

He moved slightly, his hand instinctively going towards his throat, but he was surprised to feel nothing there, no cut, no blood, no pain.

"Connor" He heard faintly in the distance, unsure if he had merely imagined it, but when he heard it again, only this time it was closer, that voice so familiar, but he couldn't place it. "Connor open your eyes" there it was again, the soothing tone was a comfort, but he was unsure of his own strength, his body felt weightless as though he wasn't in control, but in the same instance he was.

"Open your eyes…my darling boy" Connor's eye's shot open at the last remark, _darling boy_, that's what his…mother called him. His eyes searched frantically for whom he now assumed to be his mother, his heart was uncontrollable in his chest, _this must be heaven_, he thought to himself, it was the only logical way for him to be hearing his dead mother's voice.

He sat up with little effort much to his surprise and then heard the voice again, only this time it was right beside him. He jolted his head round, gasping involuntarily as his eyes locked with his dead mother's.

"Mom" Connor whispered his voice full of pain and sadness. His mothers gaze didn't falter, she held his with precise determination…with love.

"Yes my darling boy, it's me…my love, so sad, so much pain inside your heart, tainting your goodness" Darla felt her motherly instincts overwhelm her, her hand moved from her side as she crouched to the ground so to come face to face with her son, she gently touched his cheek, tracing the outline of his jaw with her thumb, rubbing away the singie tear that had escaped in her presence.

"Mom…" Connor repeated, unable to believe what he was seeing…feeling. He was an emotional train wreck and now all he wanted was his mother to hold him whilst he let it all out, if this was heaven all he wanted to do was feel happy for the first time in his life.

Darla complied to her son's wishes, how could she refuse him what he wanted, she didn't have the heart…despite the fact that her's still was not beating.

She held him while he cried, his shrill cries of anguish echoing around them, he should have realised that this wasn't heaven when they were the only ones there, this whole expanse of time all to their selves, he was never that lucky or privileged.

Moments later Connor pulled back, once again inspecting his surroundings, Darla unable to take her eyes off of him.

"Where are we? How are you here, are you a ghost?" Connor asked for the first time, able to control his emotions long enough to get some answers.

"Somewhere…nowhere, it doesn't really matter, and yes, I am a ghost of my former self, but I have all my memories, my feelings, my instincts, I am Darla, I _am_ your mother" Darla responded smiling affectionately.

"Am I dead?" Connor asked lowering his head, unable to keep his mothers gaze.

"Yes…but you have yet to move on, your soul is still being kept in this plane, it's not your time. You have been sent here for a reason, I have been sent here for a reason…to help you" Darla explained, Connor now more intrigued than before.

"Help me…how?"

"You've lost your way, all that pain, it's suffocating you, you've given up…you've given up on love Connor" Darla hated to see her son so deprived, so weak and ready to give up, she had been sent to change that, to change him.

"Love isn't real, I haven't given up on it, I'm just not capable of it…everything in my life is _death_! If I can't love then how can I expect anyone else to love me?" Connor asked sourly, his worst practically being spat out through gritted teeth.

"Connor, that's not true and you know it…and if you don't then that's why I'm here, I'm going to show you how much love you really had in your life, you just didn't see it" Darla took her son's hand in hers and encouraged him to his feet.

He happily took his mothers hand and allowed her to pull him up, thankful for the help, he was still unsure of his own limbs.

"What do you mean _show me_?" Connor asked feeling a cloud of confusion wash over him once again.

"Like this…" Darla's words seemed to carry forever, echoing around them, repeating over and over, yet they only seemed to last moments, seconds even until the spacious room around them dissolved and changed into a different scene, a scene Connor hadn't seen before.

* * *

**Well? What did you think? I really hoped you all liked it as much as i did writing it :D**

**Please leave a review, they make me so happy. **

**So again the next chapter will be about on Friday 15th, but if you want it on 2moz, let me know :D**

**Until next time **

**Cee xx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Well here's the next chapter, i hope you enjoy it :D**

**Thanks again to my beta TrueEngel, you're a life saver hunny, luv ya :D**

**ENJOY!**

* * *

Darla took a small intake of unneeded air, her eyes falling onto the scene that had burned deep into her mind forever, a moment in time that had meant so much to her, yet had caused her so much grief at the same time

Darla took a small intake of unneeded air, her eyes falling onto the scene that had burned deep into her mind forever, a moment in time that had meant so much to her, yet had caused her so much grief at the same time.

Connor adjusted to the new surroundings, confused as to where they were and why.

"Look, listen Connor, even before you were born you were loved, your life wasn't something of little value, you meant something…to me" Darla proclaimed, motioning for Connor to watch the scene unfold before his very eyes, her small pale hand resting comfortingly on his shoulder.

_The air was thick; a storm forming to the east, tension filled the atmosphere._

Connor spotted his mother stood on a rooftop, she was pregnant…with him, his father besides her, they were talking, he listened closer, doing as his present mother said.

"_Angel, I don't have a soul. It does. And right now that soul is inside of me, but soon, it won't be and then.. I won't be able to love it. I won't even be able to remember that I loved it. I want to remember."_

Darla felt tears sting her eyes at the memory, she had never felt love so strong in all her life, for over 400 years she was a heartless killer and this one small innocent child opened her heart to the cherished yet overwhelming concept of love.

Connor had never heard of this moment before, he watched in awe, his mother on a roof top crying in his fathers arms, confessing her love for his unborn self, he wasn't sure of how to react, he felt as though he could cry, but at the same time he felt sure this was a lie, how could anyone love him? He was a killer, he was the _destroyer_.

Darla picked up on his conflicting emotions and turned back to face him. "You helped me to feel in those nine moths that I carried you, I was selfish, I didn't want you to come out, you nourished my dead corpse, allowed me to feel, to love" Connor turned away from his mother and walked a few paces, throwing his hands up to his face, he suddenly turned when he heard his mother, his pregnant mother call out in pain, he rushed over to her, ready to intercept but found his hand fell straight through her shoulder.

"What the? Why can't I touch her, what's happening?" Connor demanded his voice full of anger.

"Connor, they can't see us, we are not here, this has already happened, we cannot change what has already passed…I'm sorry, but just know I always loved you…come on, there's something else you need to see" Darla moved towards her distraught son and took his hand once again, the scene swirling in all directions until it stopped and focused only now they were somewhere different.

* * *

"Where are we now?" Connor asked, starting to understand what his mother was doing, she was showing him his past, the love he had been given but had never seen, he wasn't sure how he felt about it yet, but he wasn't willing to disappoint his mother now, he would stay controlled and watch what she wanted him to see.

"This is where you were born Connor, this is where you were brought into the world surrounded by the love of those who loved you" Darla spoke softly as though remembering a painful yet peaceful experience.

Connor felt no need to speak, he merely watched as the rain poured down, at first he couldn't see anyone, but then he spotted his dad and the others coming out of a hole in the side of a building, and there was his mother, wailing in pain, pain he had caused. He shook his bitter thoughts away and tried to concentrate.

They were on the floor now, Darla unable to move any further, Fred and his father were with her, helping her.

"_We did so many terrible things together. So much destruction, so much - pain, we can't make up for any of it. You know that, don't you?" _Darla spoke in painful gasps to Angel as he held her on the wet ground.

_  
"Yeah" _He responded simply, his mind being thrown back to all the pain they caused over the decades, guilt overwhelming him._  
_

"_This child, Angel, it's the one good thing we ever did together. The only good thing...You make sure to tell him that" _

Connor wasn't expecting what he saw next, yes he knew how he had come into the world, but he never realised how horrible it was to have seen, he felt a small ounce of pity go through him for his father in that moment, he felt sorry that he had to witness such an act of…love.

_Darla took the stake from the floor and drove it into her own chest, dust exploding everywhere, her hand disappearing from Angel's tight grasp, a tiny innocent child replacing his mother's place…unaware of the death he had caused_.

Connor looked away at that moment unable to watch as Angel marvelled over his new son, it made him sick…he didn't believe he could have loved him after being responsible for taking the life of his century old love.

"Connor, don't take the guilt for my death, that is not what I wanted, I knew in that moment that you were dying and there was nothing I could do to stop it, Connor, I did the only thing I could do, the _last_ thing I could do to save my child…I loved you too much to let you die, to die myself was a sacrifice well worth its giving…it allowed you to live" Darla had waited so long to be given the chance to explain herself to her son, to put aside his guilt and tell him why she couldn't stay and be in his life.

"You shouldn't have bothered, I wasn't worth saving" Connor retorted bitterly.

Darla's face sunk considerably, his words cut her deep, she wrapped her arms about herself, it failed to sooth the persistent chill that she felt but the motion was a comfort to her, it reminded her of living of being something other than nothing.

"We loved you Connor, can't you see that!" Darla tried again, not willing to give up on her son.

"How could you? How could anyone love _me_, I am nothing, I do nothing but bring death and suffering" Connor wasn't ready to open up to the idea that he wasn't as bad as he thought, he found it easier to hate himself than to hate others.

Darla sighed; her son was more damaged than she had thought. She said nothing but took his hand holding it tightly as he tried to pull away, the sights blurred and in seconds they were somewhere new.

* * *

"Connor, Angel did love you, more than you could ever know, he would have died for you" Darla empathised with her son, speaking to him softly, trying to calm his agitated emotions. She moved forwards with him, looking around the foyer of the Hyperion hotel, a scene Connor finally managed to recognise.

"What are we doing here?" Connor asked, noticing slight differences around the foyer than when he had been there. He moved forwards slightly, running his hand across the surface of the counter top, his palm hovering above it, reminding him all the more that he was no longer here. He sighed quietly, and brought his hand back to his side. He turned, unable and unwilling to inspect anymore of his former life. Rescued from his thoughts as his mother spoke to him.

"This is where Angel cherished you most, this is where he fought harder than he ever had to love you and give you all the protecting you needed…just watch" Darla instructed, smiling towards the man she had be infatuated with for centuries walk into the room with their small baby boy in his arms.

Connor did as he was asked and watched as his father carried him in the foyer.

Cordelia…

Connor instantly felt his heart ache at the sight of the women he loved, the woman who had promised him everything. She looked so, happy, alive and well, she was practically glowing in his eyes. She made him smile with her eagerness to hold him, to comfort him, but Angel wouldn't allow it, he wouldn't allow anyone but himself to hold him…he was loved.

Darla spoke a few words to him, but he didn't hear them, he was too lost in his awe of Cordelia. He focused as hard as he could on their conversation.

"_I'm his only family. My job now is to be everything for him" _Angel professed to a caring Cordelia.

_  
"Really? Okay. Follow me. Come on" _Cordelia was going to prove her point; she loved both Angel and his son too much not to.

_  
"Where are we going?" _Angel asked nervously_._

_  
"Come on"_

Connor and Darla followed them to the main doors, standing just close enough to clearly continue watching the scene before them.

_  
"Cordelia..." _Angel's voice cracked slightly but he didn't care.

_  
"We're going outside, where your son's gonna wanna go play, where you'll have to rush him to the hospital if he gets sick in the daytime. But I see your point. You can't go outside in the day like other parents because - you're a vampire. And even if you weren't, you can't do everything for him" _Cordelia spoke her words before Angel could protest, her point proven as Angel stayed back in the shadows of the garden.

Angel moves his hand out of the shadows and into the sunlight, not even flinching as his skin began to sizzle and burn under the suns rays._ "If he has to get to the hospital at noon on the sunniest day of the year, he'll get there - even if I don't" _His words were determined, his face a solid mask of strength and knowing, Cordelia knowing there was no hope in breaching the love he held for his son.

Connor couldn't believe what he was seeing, Darla just as proud, she had yet to witness this scene first hand before and was feeling immensely proud of her Angel.

Connor choked back a small sob, his hand instinctively going to his face and rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Are you ok Connor?" Darla asked genuinely concerned for her son, she didn't think this would get to him as much as it had.

"I'm fine" Connor answered tersely, hiding his face from view.

"Ok…I hope you understand how much Angel loved you, he would do anything for you, even burn as you heard"

"I know…can we go now" Connor couldn't stand being here anymore, but not because of the reasons his mother thought, the truth was it hurt him too much to see himself being loved, he had never thought of himself as worthy of such an emotion, now that he could see first hand how much Angel had loved him, all the things he had done to him suddenly took on a whole new meaning of regret.

"Of course" Darla smiled and placed one hand in her sons and the other around his shoulders protectively, as though hoping to shield his heart from the pain. Once again the room changed.

* * *

**Well? What did you think?**

**Please leave me a review, they make me so so happy :P**

**Next chapter on tomoz, look forward to hearing your thoughts **

**Until next time**

**Cee xx**


	3. Chapter 3

**Here's another chapter for you guys, i hope you like it :D**

**I hope to get more reviews this time, they do make me happy :P**

**ENJOY!**

* * *

As Connor opened his eyes and the dizziness subsided, he confirmed his new surroundings as a hospital, he didn't remember this.

"What…?" Before he could finish he noticed Cordelia, Fred and Wesley taking to a nurse, about him.

"This is your first check up and Angel's proudest moment…this is where he names you" Darla couldn't help but smile, and Connor found her smile infectious, her smile definitely could light up a room, he oddly wondered in that moment whether to other people his smile was similar to his mothers.

That's when he saw Angel, stride into the room an aura about him that practically shouted '_I am a new father and am proud!'_

"_Connor" _Angel offered his name out to the nurse and everyone else smiled in acceptance of his son's new name.

"It's Irish you know" Darla whispered, unsure whether or not Angel would have told him this previously.

"I know…" His mind travelled back in time to when he had scolded Angel for calling him that name, _my name is Steven _he had yelled at him and he had almost felt a pang of guilt when his father had declared that it wasn't an Irish name. But now he couldn't think of ever going back to being called that, too many bad memories were attached to that name.

"Come on, there's more" Darla insisted, Connor nodding warily.

* * *

"When you were taken from him, he was beyond angry, unfortunately for Wesley. Even his friends weren't immune to his wrath as a protective father" Darla explained, setting the moment for the next scene to take place.

"What do you mean?" Connor stated simply, confused again, that's when he saw Wesley lying in a hospital bed for the first time since arriving, and his throat had obviously been slit. Connor's hand went to his own throat automatically, sympathising with a man who had befriended him no so long ago.

"So this is why Wesley wasn't around much at the start, Angel did this to him!" Connor seethed, his previous guilt quickly replaced with more rage.

"No…but he did do this" Darla announced as Angel entered Wesley's room.

Connor watched as the scene unfolded before him.

"_I want you to know that I understand why you did it. I know about the Prophecies, and I know how hard it must have been for you to... do what you did. You thought I was going to turn evil and kill my son. I didn't. It's important that you know that. This isn't Angelus talking, it's me, Angel. You know that right? Good" _Angel tore the pillow form under Wesley's head and placed it on top of his face, his own face contorted with hatred and anger.

"_You son of a bitch, you're gonna pay for what you did! You took my son! You son of a bitch! You bastard! You think I'd forgive you?! Never! You're gonna die! You hear me? You're gonna pay!" _Orderlies came into the room trying to control a ravage Angel_ "You took my son! You took my son! You took my son. Never! Never! Never! I'll kill you! You're dead! You're a dead man, Pryce! You're dead! I'll kill you, I'll kill you! You're a dead man! Dead! Dead!" _Angel shouted at the top of his voice, his anger beyond that he had ever felt with a soul.

Connor stood aghast, never had he seen his father so…uncontrolled, pure hatred radiated from him like a pungent smell that was unwanted. Darla noticed Connor's look of shock and moved closer, her presence an instant soothing for him.

"He really does care for you Connor, enough to abandon and try to kill one of his dearest friends, his love runs deeper than his hatred Connor, I just hope you can see it in time" her words drifting slightly as she finished, causing Connor to drag his eyes onto hers.

"What do you mean _in_ _time?_" Connor questioned, but Darla simply moved back and held onto his hand tight as the scene changed before them.

* * *

"Ok, time out or whatever it is here…you didn't answer my question, what do you mean _in time_? I'm starting to get the hint that you got an alternative motive here and if I don't start getting some answers…" Connor demanded, pulling his hand away from his mother in fear of her doing something other than just changing the scene.

Darla listened carefully to her son's words, unblaming for his confusion and need for answers, she stayed still as he vented his frustrations, ready and waiting to talk to him once he had clamed down, _she had dealt with the worse of Angelus's outbursts in her lifetime and this of her sons wouldn't falter her calm composure._

Connor finally stopped and kept his gaze onto Darla's, a vein pulsing in his neck at his frustration.

"I know you have questions Connor, but they needn't be answered right away, it is not time yet, but it will be soon. Now, lets just calm down and take a moment, you are safe with me here my boy, just accept that all things happen for a reason" Darla calmly professed, Connor convinced that she must have some kind of demonic powers going on, because she keeps managing to stop him in his tracks simply with her words.

"Fine, I'm sorry…" Connor apologised, not wanting to spoil any moments spent here with his mother, no matter what the circumstances may be.

"Look, When you were taken from him he was besides himself, Connor you were his everything, you were the child that was never meant to exist, how do you think he felt when you were born, his own son, his _only_ son"

Connor didn't know what to say, he merely gave his mother s weak smile and turned to watch the newest scene take place.

Cordelia and Angel were sat in one of the many rooms in the hotel, but Connor already knew whose it was, it was his fathers. Angel was sat on the floor, his back against the bed, Cordelia above him, the silence was practically palpable, the room thick with atmosphere, the charred walls not helping.

The silence was suddenly broken as Angel spoke for the first time.

"_I think he was going to be left-handed. The way he would hold on to your fingers? His left hand always squeezed just a little bit tighter. Kid had a grip. He was going to be a south paw for sure. When you live as long as I do, you eventually lose everyone. I'm not saying you get used to it but you expect it. You deal. But he was just... He was just a little... You think you know something about living because you have this really long life. And that's really all we have, I mean, in my case anyway. And one day you wake up, and you have something else"_

_"A future" _Cordelia offered, her voice barely above a whisper.

_  
"I had a son"_ Angel corrected, feeling his throat constrict around the very words, his gaze solely focused on the burned baby crib across the room, his mind obviously else where than Cordelia previous conversation.

Connor mimicked his father's expression, his own throat constricting against the burning tears that threatened to well in his eyes. He dropped his head a single tear slid from his cheek and disappeared onto the floor, vanishing as though it were never there.

Darla came besides him and stroked a piece of his long hair away from his eyes. "Connor, do you understand why I am doing this, why _they_ want you to understand" Darla presented her case with peaceful ease, not wanting to threaten her damaged son with a tone anything other than loving.

Connor simply nodded and buried his face in her touch, savouring the feel of his mother's hand on his skin, a sensation he knew wouldn't last much longer.

"Good, now come, there is more for you to see" Darla whispered, smiling as a warm glow engulfed them both and the scene changed before their eyes.

* * *

Connor was quickly pulled from his previous deep emotions by the sound of irritating club music pulsing through his ears. His eyes scanned their surroundings, he remembered this scene, how could he ever forget it, it was the first and only time he ever truly felt at peace with his father. Fighting the good fight, as Angel would have said, it was only now that Connor really understood what he meant by that.

"Why here? I have already lived this, what's the point?" Connor said loudly above the ever increasing music, though he found when Darla spoke he could hear her perfectly, feeling his cheeks burn with embarrassment as he figured that he hadn't probably needed to shout.

"Maybe so, but perhaps you just need reminding of what you have already seen, the love you missed the first time round"

Connor stayed silent, he had known the answer to that question before he had even asked it, but to hear his mother say it made it more real.

"Look at this…" Darla motioned down to the bottom level of the night club just as Angel and Connor came into view. "He was so proud that night, he finally had his son back and you had agreed to _fight the good fight_ with him, he couldn't have been happier"

"I could have" Connor retorted bitterly, momentarily forgetting that his mother could hear just as well as he.

"Connor, watch how he looks at you, the pleasure he had from merely watching you fight, better yet, look at _you_" Darla pointed the younger version of her son out from the crowd, just as he saved the woman he thought of as innocent by the bar.

Connor studied his own movements, precise, brutal, savage. But he couldn't deny that he had felt a sense of greater purpose fulfil him that night, it felt right, it felt good to help people. Though more than anything, he felt he had made his father proud and that he certainly had from what he could see now as a third party watching the scene.

"You were meant to be together, meant to fight together, he is your father and you his son, the bond you share is stronger than you know Connor" Darla explained with confidence, her sons posture broadening with her words, a sense of pride and understanding washing over him.

But that all went as quickly as it came as he reminded himself of the truth. "But it wasn't enough was it. He still failed, he still let him take me" Connor beat himself up one again, feeling himself fall back into that ever turning void of nothingness that was his life.

"Connor, don't ever think that, that is not how it happened. He tried everything he could to try and stop Holtz, he was a sick and twisted man, he took a child away from his father, he took you away from the people that loved you, if anyone is to blame here it is him, not your father" Darla felt her rage get the better of her, she loved her son more than anything she had ever been able to love, but she wasn't going to stand by and listen to him push all the blame onto the man she had loved for centuries, when the blame was well deserved elsewhere.

Connor was taken back at her sudden change of tone, her face hardened and her voice became deeper, he hadn't realised how scary she could be when she wanted, he couldn't help but feel sorry for any of her past victims. "Sorry mom…" Connor muttered barely above a whisper, unable to maintain her steady gaze as his cheeks flushed at his mothers scolding.

"Right…I'm sorry too, it's just your father is a good man now, you need to see that if you are ever going to be able to move on. I think there is something we have to see if that is ever going to happen, you need to start facing your past, come on" Darla took Connor's hand and before he knew it they were somewhere new.

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**Well? What did you think? Good enough to press that little review btton i hope teehee**

**Until tomoz**

**Cee xx**


	4. Chapter 4

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Another chapter for you guys, thank you for all your reviews, still i would be happier if there was more, boosts my confidence they do :P

**ENJOY!**

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As the motion of the transformation passed, a wave of sea air filled Connor's nose, he suddenly felt sick to the stomach, he knew exactly where his mother had now brought him and his sure wasn't ready to see this scene happen all over again, it was bad enough that he has to be constantly plagued by it in his dreams.

Connor sharply pulled his hand away from his mother's and backed away, but only managed to get so far before he hit the solid side of the boat.

"Connor, you have to face your fears sometime, you cannot deny your past, the things you done were terrible, but the things I done was worse. You cannot hide from the truth any longer, you have to confront your memories" Darla tried to sooth, but Connor was too distraught to reason. Darla edged closer bit by bit; scared her very movements would tip him over the edge.

"I can't...what I done to him, I thought…I was tricked" Connor tried to exonerate his past acts with the excuses he had fed himself day after day, and even now they sounded just as useless as they had done the last time he had said them to himself.

"You cannot shelter yourself from the truth Connor, the sooner you face what you have done the easier it will be to move on…come, shhh, I am here with you, we will watch together, ok?" Darla cooed her son, stroking his face gently, hushing his frantic breathing.

"Ok" Connor simply answered, allowing his mother to hold him as though he was a little child. He suddenly felt himself ache at the thought of his missed childhood with his mother, had the circumstances been different, he was sure he would have treasured her closeness just as much then as he was now.

"_Killing is too good for you. You don't get to die. You get to live... Forever"_ Connor spat at his father as he begun sealing the metal coffin he had spitefully condemned him to.

Connor winced at the harshness of his own callous words, the words that haunted his consciousness since they day they had left his lips. Darla instinctively held him tighter, hoping to help him fight his own inner demons, but knowing this was something he could only do alone.

Connor couldn't help the tears that fell as his other self threw his father into the ocean, destined to sleep with the fish, although he knew of what was to come, that his death sentence was not permanent, he still couldn't help but grieve his fathers loss truly and completely compared to the last time.

"I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…please make it stop, I want the pain to stop, mum make it stop please" Connor was hysterical, he pleaded with his mother as he collapsed to the floor still tightly wrapped in her arms. He had never broken down like this before and he was surprised how relieving it felt to finally open up his tightly sealed emotions, to let it all slip away and clear the pain and suffering that had seeped into every part of him.

"Shhh, I'll help you son, let me take it all away, you don't need any of that pain hunny, let me in, just let it all go" Darla rocked her son back and forth, whispering soothing words into his ear, tears wet her own cheeks, but she couldn't help but remind herself that they weren't really there, _she_ wasn't really there, she wasn't _real_.

Connor didn't seem to mind, or notice at this point the confusion that crept onto his mothers face; he was too overwhelmed with the guilt he had long since hidden beneath many walls of pain and denial.

"I'm sorry…" Connor chocked out, burying his head into his mother's shoulder, taking pleasure in all its comfort.

"He knows Connor, trust me he knows how sorry you are, and he still loves you more than anything in this world, you are still loved my darling boy, both by your father and by me" Darla lifted Connor's face so to look him in the eyes, both their tears stained faces evident even in the little light around them.

"I can't believe that, he can't still love me after everything I have done, how could you love such a monster; I must be a demon to have done the things I have" Connor had lost his aggressive tone and now spoke in a hopeless hush.

"You're wrong and I will show you" Darla held her son closer and willed them to another memory, still hushing her sons now silent sobs, making the most of her motherly influence for as long as she can before her time was up and she would be forced to leave him once again.

* * *

When they opened their eyes to the next scene, Connor was still sat on the floor in Darla's arms; reluctantly he sat up a little, his mother's arms falling to the ground, tightly griping his hands.

He watched the scene as he and the entire gang were stood in one of the Hyperion's many rooms, Angel having just cut Connor's chest and mixed jasmine's blood with his own in the need to bring him back from Jasmine's lie.

"How can this prove his love for me, this only represents his will to punish me further? If he had truly loved me why would he want to take away the happiness of Jasmine's love, he didn't want me to feel anything other than grief and pain, he tried to take away what he thought was my last ounce of happiness…" Connor stated harshly, this more recent of the events still clearly etched into his mind, a memory that will not be missed.

"That is one way of looking at it, but think harder Connor, you were not the only one to have lost that love, your entire family was tricked and deceived by her ways, Angel wasn't willing to leave you behind, he would rather take away a happiness that wasn't real to start with than walk away and leave without you…unless you have forgotten you then decided to walk away yourself, how do you think that made him feel? You gave him up, you hurt him and yet he still didn't leave you, he still loved you despite your choices" Darla explained with confidence, determined to show her son his fathers true intensions and love for him.

"But he didn't have that right, Jasmine was _my_ daughter, I wouldn't abandon her as they had, I _loved_ her, more than any of them could have known" Connor retorted, his anger growing once again.

"But she wasn't really your daughter Connor, not like you are Angel's son, the love you claim to have felt for her isn't real, you made yourself believe this love was the only thing you had because that is what you believed, but it wasn't true, you still had Angel's love, you just didn't see it"

"So now it's my fault…_again_! He should have tried harder, he shouldn't have lost me" Connor shouted, raising his hands in frustration.

"Would you have let him? You say you wish he had tried, but he did Connor, you just didn't allow him to, you pushed him away every chance you had, I think you just found it hard to admit that deep down you loved him too and that scared you didn't it. It scared you that you weren't this hollow _demon_ you had made yourself believe all these years, you were a human boy who just wanted to be loved…but that was ok, now is your chance to accept that love, Connor, open your heart to the love around you, before it's too late, we haven't much time left" Darla tried with all the love she could muster for her son, feeling her dead heart ache for the sight of her damaged son before her.

"I don't know how" Connor answered weakly.

"Let all the pain go, admit your love son, you're a good person and both your father and I know this, that is all that matters"

"Is it really though? Is it enough just to be loved by your parents? What about the world, to everyone else, to them I am just a _monster_, I am not worth the love you can give" Connor took the self pity route again, still unsure how to express his new found emotions.

"Connor, from everything we have just seen, you must be able see that the love surrounding you isn't just from us, you have an entire family who loves you and are willing to do anything for you. The world doesn't need to feel the same, what is the point in living if life is easy?" Darla questioned, but did not expect an answer.

Connor shrugged and placed his hands around the back of his neck, breathing deeply.

"What did you mean we haven't much time left?" Connor suddenly asked without looking up.

Darla swallowed, the action used to prevent the inevitable from leaving her lips, as she prepared herself for the news she was to deliver to her son.

"He's going to let you go Connor, but you have to believe me when I tell you that it is purely out of his love for you, all he wants is the best for you and your future"

Connor referred to his mother with a confused expression. "What do you mean let me go?"

"He's going to give you the life he never could, give you back the childhood you were deprived of. Connor he is letting you _go_, he believes the only way you could ever have the life you deserve is to live a new life that doesn't include him" Darla held back tears as she spoke, this was her mission, this was the reason she was sent to inform their son of his new fate, a fate where he will no longer remember who she was.

Connor was speechless for a moment as he contemplated this new information. "How exactly"

"New life, new memories…new family. A better life Connor, a life without pain and death and fighting, a life when you never were taken to Quor'toth, a life where you can be happy…" Darla couldn't look her son in the eyes much longer, knowing the true extent of this act.

"What will stop this from happening all over again, what will stop me from coming to see him? Surely they must understand that I wouldn't just up and leave and not look back" Connor questioned, pacing as he done so.

"You won't remember…anything. All this, would never have happened, you won't remember anything of you previous life, of Angel…of me"

"No, NO! How can he do this, what gives him the right to decide what is best for me. What if I don't want to have this _new_ squeaky clean family huh? Does he even care…does he even care that I would rather stay with him! Doesn't he care that I love him?" Connor caught himself at his last words, unsure of where they had even come from. He stopped his pacing and took a shaky breath as he could still feel his previous words tingling on his lips.

Darla locked gazes with him, unable to stop the small smile that spread across her face. They were silent for a few moments, unsure of what to say next.

"Connor, it is done, it cannot be stopped, the _powers_ sent me to help you understand the love that you had in life wasn't as little as you thought, they didn't send me to change your fate…I'm sorry. But there is something I can show you that may help; I can show you your future"

This caught Connor's attention. "Show me my…"

"…Future, yes, just take my hand" Darla held her hand out for her son, this was different this had to be his choice.

Connor contemplated her words for a second, did he really want to see his future, a future without Angel, his father. He couldn't live with himself not knowing; he took a couple of steps forwards and gingerly lifted his hand to meet his mothers. "Show me"

"Thank you" Darla spoke softly, and then within seconds the room was spinning as they descended into the spiral of time that was to take them to see Connor's fate in life.

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**Well? What did you think?**

**I hope you are still enjoying this story :D**

**Until 2moz**

**Cee xx**


	5. Chapter 5

**Well here's anther chapter, im glad that those of you who have reviewed have enjoyed this story so much, but sadly it draws to an end soon. This is the second to last chapter...and unfortunately you are going to have to wait one extra day to find out what happenes because i am going away and might not be here to add a enw chapter tomoz, but if i can get bk on time, it will be on tomoz :D**

**Phew, now thats out of the way...**

**ENJOY!**

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When they finally arrived just days into the future much to Connor's surprise, it was dark, the evening had just set in, the sun's humidity still lingering in the air, thick enough Connor felt as though he could choke, but that could just have been the time travel.

"Where is this?" Connor said in a whisper, the silence surrounding them enough to oppose any louder noise.

"This is your new life, this is where you will grow up and become a healthy young man…this is your new family Connor" Darla said sadly, as she moved closer to the window, motioning for Connor to look inside.

Connor wasn't sure if he was ready, did he really want to see the people he would soon be calling his family? His curiosity overtook his own limbs; he edged closer and peered into the window, taking a little breath as he spotted himself sat at a dinner table surrounded by laughing people…his _new family_.

He couldn't believe what he was seeing; his other self was actually smiling, better still, laughing. He had never felt so free to laugh whole heartedly before in his present life, his own laugh a foreign sound to him, but for Darla it was a much welcomed sound.

Everyone looked so happy, like a real family, enjoying a family dinner with no cares in the world. Connor felt hot tears streak his cheek but he didn't move to wipe them away, Darla slipped her hand over his shoulder and squeezed it comfortingly, Connor leaning back into her touch.

"They're all so happy" Connor stated flatly, still not taking his eyes off of himself and his happiness, a feeling he had never truly felt.

"You are, with no memories of Angel or any of us" Darla responded not thinking before she spoke how her words could erect more anxieties and guilt in her son. "I didn't mean…" She tried to correct herself but Connor shushed her with a rising of his hand.

"I know…You're right, but that doesn't mean that is what I want, god this is so unfair…what makes the _powers_ think they can mess with my life like this, I mean they sent you here to show me how much I already have, but they aren't offering me the chance to take that and make the most of it, how is that fair?" Connor demanded more than asked, still keeping his voice low.

"It's not Connor, but there is more to it than that, I can show you something else, something that might change your mind"

"Then show me" Connor replied tersely, holding out his own hand this time as his mother happily obliged and interlaced her fingers with her sons.

* * *

This time Connor did not recognise their surroundings, he searched the room with confused eyes, looking for anything familiar…but nothing. "Where are we, I've never seen this place before"

"That's because you haven't been here before. In the future, in you other life, forces beyond our control decided that you needed to be reunited with Angel, you deeded to come back into the role form your old life" Darla informed, walking around the dimly lit room, its décor rich and aged.

"Let me get this straight, in the future…my _new_ future, that the powers allowed me have so I could have a better life then decided that they made a mistake and pushed me back into my Father's life? This is seriously messed up" Connor conveyed to his mother, taking a seat onto the old looking table behind him.

"Not quite, the Powers That Be didn't do this, someone else did. But other than that, you're pretty accurate." Darla answered as carefully as she could.

"Oh right, well that makes it better then" Connor sarcastically replied. "So who did bring me back and what for, and what has this got to do with everything else you have been showing me?"

"The man, or should I say demon who brought you back isn't just anyone, he is the demon that made you…he was the one who created your new memories, your life Connor" Darla paused to give her son a moment to take in the information, when he didn't speak up she continued. "You see it was prophesied that one man only could kill for good a certain demon, this demon's name was Sahjahn…"

Connor's head suddenly shot up at the mention of that name, a name he was well aware of. "What! But I thought he was trapped in a bottle or something"

"He was, but you see your creator didn't feel that was final enough, so…well let's just say he made his case very clear and took any means necessary to ensure that you returned into Angel's life, but what he wasn't counting on was your lack of savageness" Darla continued to surprise her son.

"He made me into a healthy boy…" Connor stated, finally beginning to understand this messed up new life of his.

"…and he wanted Angel to turn you back into a killer" Darla finished.

"But Angel had given up plenty to ensure you had this new happier life, but even he knew you had no choice than to obey if you were to keep this life, still all he wanted was the best for you Connor"

"What a surprise" Connor muttered under his breath, Darla's super hearing doing its best, but she chose to ignore his sarcasm.

"Here we go" Darla said to Connor as Angel and his other self walked into the room, the red aged demon suddenly appearing at the end of the table Connor was currently sat on. He jumped down, momentarily forgetting that they weren't able to be seen.

"_Oh Lord, look at him"_ Connor whispered to Angel, as they walked into the room.

Present Connor chuckled to himself, some things will never change. As he continued to watch the scene converse before him, he cringed at his own choice of a threat towards this unfamiliar demon, becoming a good little boy certainly had its draw backs, he couldn't help but think.

As his other self moved to confront Sahjahn in the other room, Angel began to follow, straightening his shirt collar as he ushered him into the other room.

Darla and Connor smiled to themselves at Angel's gesture. "He can't help himself, this is the first time he has seen you since he killed you Connor, you can't blame him for wanting to marvel in your presence" Darla spoke quietly to her son, knowing he was still amazed at Angel's eagerness to see him again.

"He seems…happier some how, seeing me this way, he prefers it doesn't he" Connor asked sullenly, hanging his head low.

"Yes Connor, but it's a different love, you are literally a changed man, you standing there isn't the son he feel in love with when you came back into his dimension, he is someone knew, you can't blame him for falling in love with the new you all over again"

"I guess, but I can't help but think that maybe this is for the best you know" Connor spoke out loud. "My god I am doing terrible against Sahjahn, this is embarrassing!" Connor cringed as he watched himself taking multiple blows to the face, wanting nothing than to grab himself by the neck and shake some sense into him, anything to bring out the skills he had perfected in his childhood.

Before Darla could answer, they were both attracted back to the scene before them as Wesley and a woman in blue entered the room.

"Who's that?" Connor asked pointing towards the blue mysterious woman.

"I'm so sorry Connor, I didn't think to say before now…that's Fred, but it's not Fred, she died son, her name is Illyria, she's an ancient Goddess, she took over Fred's body" Darla sadly professed to her son, watching a mask of grief cross his features.

"She didn't deserve this, she was a good person" Connor seethed, however he was drawn away from Fred as Wesley seemed to be holding a box and somehow Connor just knew what it was, even before Wesley said it.

"That's my memories" Connor said to his mother in a factual tone.

"Yes" Darla simply responded.

In seconds Wesley smashed the box and the room swirled around them, watching as everyone was thrown across the room by its force, his other self pinned to a table by the neck.

Instants later, he saw the change pass over his other self, he remembered, his eyes flashed with anger, strength and hatred. Before long Sahjahn was dead.

"That's more like it" Connor smiled to his mother, receiving a funny look from her ghostly self.

The others still forgotten, Connor faintly heard himself say something about hating people touching his neck, he scoffed to himself. "No surprise there really" As his hand went back to his own throat, a sudden flash in his mind of Angel bring the knife down and then blackness.

"I think we've seen enough, come on, there's something you need to see" Darla took his hand and concentrated as the scene changed once again.

* * *

They arrived back at Wolfram & Heart office building, Darla quickly filling Connor in on his Dad's deal to take over the firm in return for his happier life…another ounce of guilt for Connor to add to his collection.

"What are you showing me here?" Connor asked his mother.

"This…" Darla said, as she watched his other self enter Angel's office and address him.

Present Connor had to smile at his crack about the sunlight and the glass suit, _it was a reasonable idea_.

They spoke about trivial stuff for the first moments, Angel obviously happy merely to be in the same room as he long lost son.

It wasn't long before Connor was shocked to find that he had grown wise along with his personality change, he was the one to decide that it was best if he left.

"_You've got to do what you can to protect your family. I learned that from my father"_ With that Connor left the room and walked out of his father's life before Angel could respond.

"How could I just leave, if I knew who he was then why did I leave?" Connor asked his mother, but she held no answer, he already knew why he hadn't stayed, who in their right mind would want to accept that they had done the things he had done and not care.

"There's just one more thing left to see Connor" Darla said calmly, holding her hand out for him, smiling as she took him to the next and last scene in his future.

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**Well? What did you think?**

**Please let me know by pressing that little review button teehee (remember happy writer happy reader)**

**Until next and last time **

**Cee xx**


	6. Chapter 6

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Well here it is, the last chapter :(

**I hope you have all enjoyed reading this as much as i did writing it, i'm a little dissapointed that i didn't get many reviews, but i send out BIG thanks to those of you who did, you kept me happy until this day teehee :D**

**So without anymore delay...ENJOY!**

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"Although you were changed, you chose what you did in your life Connor and even without being forced you still chose to fight by your fathers side…you were able to accept the truth for what it was and admit to your inner love for you family, it's in you blood, you cannot deny it Connor" Darla informed, setting the moment for the scene as it played out before them.

Present Connor watched himself battle side by side with his father against a man in a suit, it didn't matter that they were practically losing but the fact he had chosen to come back and help his father was enough to overcome that. He felt so proud to call Angel his father in that moment, fighting to what could be his and everyone he loved death's but he still fought for what he thought was right, what was good.

"I want to be that mom, I want to have all of this, a life without the pain and suffering, god I want to be normal, I don't want to feel like this anymore" Connor whispered, swallowing back a sob rising in his chest.

"Of course you do hunny, and that's perfectly fine, no one would ever want to feel like this if they had the choice, which you do and I am happy that you have come to accept that"

"Thanks mom, but it's not just that, I don't want to hate my Dad anymore, I've spent my entire life hating someone, blaming everyone else for my crappy life, but it was never their fault was it? Anyway, I don't want that anymore, I want to have this new life, I want be able to love my Dad wholly and completely, and I can't do that as I am now. More than anything, I want to be a man that my father can be proud of and love in return and by becoming this new person allows him to do that mum" Connor confessed his true feelings once and for all, thankful that his mother was here to open his eyes to all that he had missed.

"That's my darling boy, I'm glad you feel that way Connor, I really am." Darla spoke with pure admiration for her son.

"Thank you mom, thank so much, thank you for showing me all of this, I understand now, I was never meant to change anything I was _meant_ to become this new person, for Angel, for my family, so I could learn to love again" Connor smiled with affection to his mother, memorising every curve of her face, every hair that fell perfectly, he wouldn't allow himself to think that he would soon forget all of this, but he took comfort in knowing that it wouldn't be forever.

During Connor's revelation, they had missed the scene come to its end, he suddenly looked up to see Angel had killed the suited man and was now talking to his other self.

The entire building started to shake, turmoil occurring around them. Connor who had just been thrown into an elevator was barely able to stand as he clung to the wall for support. _"Uh, that's not good, is it?"_ Connor asked his Dad as he struggled to stand on his damaged knee.

_"Wolfram & Hart. Looks like they're taking the gloves off"_ Angel replied, looking around the collapsing building with a grimace as another pillar broke free and came crashing to the ground.

"_What do we do?"_ Connor asked eagerly awaiting his father's heroic new plan to take form._  
_

"_You go home"_ Angel unexpectedly said to his son._  
_

"_Huh?"_ Connor scoffed back confused, he wanted to fight, he wanted to help his father.

"_This is my fight"_ Angel reinforced as he felt a pang of grief for his son run through him, this could be the last time he saw him, if he didn't live through this that was, or if Connor lived through this even, but he wasn't willing to think that just yet.

"_That's some serious macho--Aah!"_ Connor was about to bust his Dad's choice to send him away but his own injury let him and his argument down, falling slightly as he tried to stand.

_  
"Go home...now"_ Angel cried to his son sternly as another earthquake rattled the building.

"_They'll destroy you"_ Connor tried once more, he wasn't going without trying, watching Angel make his way over to his side, he took in the sight of the father he had only just recently knew he had, feeling sad that this could be the last time he ever saw him.

_  
"As long as you're okay, they can't. Go"_ Angel confessed to his son with pure love and caring. He wasn't going to be responsible for his son's death; he had tried to hard to give him a better life to let that happen. Connor reluctantly complied and hobbled out of the building, leaving his father to do what he does best, fight the good fight.

Connor and Darla watched on silently, a single tear rolling down Darla's face as she thought of the inevitable departure from her son once and for all.

Connor let go of the breath he hadn't realised he had been holding as he repeated his father's words over and over in his mind until they made little sense, "_As long as you're okay, they can't"_. He had spent his entire life full of pain and hate towards a man that only wanted to love him and be loved in return, it had taken his own death, a greeting from his dead mother and memory lane tour for him to realise it. He knew now what he had to do, he had to let go, he had to let his fate become what was destined for him, a life of happiness, though a happiness at the price of his own family, but from what he had seen of his future he was to meet with his father again, only time he would be a man for him to feel proud of and most importantly a man his father can love.

"I'm ready" Connor said to his mother, suddenly yearning her closeness as he knew this would be their last meeting. "I know what I have to do now"

"Then you understand that this is goodbye Connor, there is no going back, when you make this decision you will no longer remember any of us, any of this…" Darla spread open her arms, motioning for Connor to take one last look at the scene around them, which without Connor realising had changed from the ruins of Wolfram & Heart offices to the roof of the Hyperion Hotel, the city lights twinkling below them.

"I understand, but I need to do this, I love my father, I realise that now, but more importantly, I know that he loves me and the only way that I am ever going to accept that love is to become someone new, a better man, to take the life you showed me I could lead" Connor spoke wiser beyond his years, feeling a peace with himself for the first time in years.

"You sound just like your father, do you know that. You remind me so much of him" Darla professed, moving closer, tracing his jaw line with her finger tips, savouring the look and feel of her one and only son, her darling boy.

"I love you so much mom, I'll miss you so much" Connor confessed, opening up to his mother for the last time, not wanting to say goodbye.

Darla was taken back by his words and even more taken back at his next movement, he stepped forward embraced his mother with all the love he had, holding her close, not wanting to let her go, not ready to leave her behind.

"I love you too son, we all do" Darla whispered into her sons ear as her head rested comfortably on his shoulder, taking in his sweet scent, remembering every detail of his broad shoulders as her hands gripped his back fiercely.

"I don't' want to say goodbye mom, I don't want you to go" Connor sobbed into his mothers hair.

"I know you don't neither do I, but we don't have a choice Connor, you are destined for greater things that what I have been destined for…you need to live, accept life for what it is, make the most of it, live the life I never had, get married, have children, and someday when you remember me again, think about this time we have spent together and never forget what you have learnt, never forget that you have love all around you, always and forever…be strong Connor, fight, as your father once told you '_we live as though the world was as it should be. To show it what it can be_.' Never forget that Connor, you can make a difference, but you have to believe in yourself first" Darla kept her son close, cherishing in the feel of his heart beating wildly in his chest.

"I won't mom, I will never forget, I promise, I will make a difference, I will live…for you" Connor sobbed hysterically in his mothers arms, taking a shaky long breath as she unwillingly pulled back to look him in the face.

"Goodbye Connor, my love, thank you for showing me how to love" Darla professed to her darling son, stroking his hair and taking one last long look into his now calm eyes.

"Goodbye mom, thank _you_, I'll never forget" Connor started to lift his hand ready to touch his mothers cheek when a blinding light engulfed his entire being, forcing his hands to eyes as he squinted against the vast whiteness.

He felt as though his body was being pulled in all directions, his mind being split from his body as he tried desperately to keep hold of the memory of his mother, her face, her smile.

He suddenly felt as though he was floating, he risked opening his eyes, and when he did he found himself surrounded by people he had once known and others he hadn't, his eyes were first drawn to Cordelia, glowing radiantly, beautifully, he caught a breath he no longer felt he needed in this place. He tried to voice his greeting to the woman he had cared for not long ago, but nothing came out. Cordelia walked forwards, a figure besides her, holding her hand, the figure came into focus, and it was a man, simple, dressed in a bright shirt, his short black hair a little like his fathers but not as groomed.

"Connor, I'm sorry for what you have been through, just know that I will always love you and care for you, we are all here to watch over you now. Don't worry about me, I am happy, I am with the ones who love me, I have Doyle to keep me company now and there are many other slayers along these roads who will help to watch over you" Connor was confused but found none of that mattered, it all seemed to make sense it in its own strange way, all he knew was people were there for him and that was all that mattered.

Again he tried to speak but was not allowed to, Cordelia and Doyle moved towards him together, as though one with each other, Cordy's hand hovered against his cheek, a light tingle beneath it. Doyle speaking up for the first time, "I'll take a' good care of this one for yer, don't ya worry bout that son…just a' make sure yer give Angel sum a' lovin of yer own, ok?" Doyle winked as Connor was only able to nod in confirmation, uncaring that he had never heard of or met this man before, but he somehow knew he could trust him to look after his treasured Cordelia.

"Now you must go, it's time Connor…it's time…" Cordelia's voice trailed far beyond the stretches of time, Connor feeling his mind, body and soul being hauled back to wherever it was it was being taken.

He took one last breath and held an image of his mother in his mind for as long as he could until it was simply gone.

* * *

"_I'd like to make a toast"_

Angel stood just to the side of the window, peering in, careful not to be noticed as he watched his son live his new life, with a family that wasn't truly his…a family that didn't include Angel.

His dead heart broke to see his son live among people he knew had never existed before now, but he knew it was for the best, if he hadn't made this choice his son would have killed himself and others, he wouldn't have let him do that, he couldn't have let his son throw away his life.

He took one last look, listening to his son make a speech about family, wishing that he could be there to accept his speech and bask in the happiness that he wished was their own family, but that will never be, but as long as Connor was safe and able to live a healthy life without pain, suffering and depression, Angel was happy, he didn't know how but something told him that this choice was made for a reason, everything happened for a reason.

Angel smiled briefly to himself and moved to leave his position at the window, turning on his heels he headed back towards the awaiting limo back down the road when he heard a faint voice whisper against the wind.

"He loves you Angel, he loves you…" Angel stopped in his tracks, had he just imagined that, that voice so familiar, but he couldn't place it. He shook it off; sure he had imagined it and continued to walk back towards the limo.

Darla hovered besides the window where Angel had just been standing, speaking her last words as she watched the father of her child walk away, knowing her son will be reunited with his true family again someday, feeling happy to know he was safe and loved until that day came.

She disappeared into the night, leaving this realm once and for all, ready to live out the expanse of her eternal rest ahead of her.

Connor watched his family converse around him, not really listening to their conversation, smiling as they all laughed. He suddenly felt a chill run down his spine, he subconsciously looked up to the window, expecting to see someone there, he was sure he sensed someone watching him. He moved mindlessly to the window, his family oblivious to his movement.

He saw nothing; he turned back around, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with happiness, unable to stop the smile spreading across his face as he took in the sight of his family at the table. A warm glow spread through him, a feeling he couldn't really explain but with it came the realisation that he had a blessed future ahead of him with people that loved him. His smile widened, there was no greater feeling than to love and be loved.

Whatever the future…bring it on.

**The End**

* * *

**Well? What did you think?**

**I'm a little sad its over, wish i could keep giving you more chapters, but that's it unfortunately, thanks for reading :D**

**But there is one thing you could do to lighten my mood...please leave a review, it's the last chapter guys it would mean a lot to me :P**

**Until another fic comes along**

**Cee xx**


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